urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bombsxxxaway bombsxxxaway bombsxxxaway 2006-03-06T23:25:48Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bombsxxxaway:2585 2006-03-06T23:25:48Z 2006-03-06T23:25:48Z (its a folkier bright eyesish tune)<br />Im sorry that I lied to you<br />Im sorry that I cared <br />Im sorry that I took the Chance<br />Im sorry I took the dare<br />But im getting myself together<br />and Im starting to think more clear<br />I had once called you perfect; but you werent even near..<br />Once i Called you as Pretty <br />As the mountains around me<br />I couldnt be more wrong<br />for they have some integrity<br />you made me get all dressed up and you made <br />me smile big<br />but now im humiliated and feel like a little kid<br />Its the friendly awkwardness<br />that keeps our friendship strong<br />and when i hear your voice<br />its like a night-time crying song<br />I love how your sincereity <br />is never really there<br />and how you cross over us bridges <br />with out the slightest care<br />Now you sitting in your room complaining where your life is going<br />its sad to know that when you breeak hearts with no sighn<br />of slowing<br />this is a note from <br />my heart to yours<br />ive already given you the rose so here<br />take these thorns. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bombsxxxaway:2440 2006-02-08T06:33:53Z 2006-02-08T06:33:53Z I saw my heaven go up in flames tonite. and i feel bad knowing this is going to make YOU feel bad that im hurt. but dont be. it happens. but iam still hurt.<br />i knew dreams were not real. they dont come true but i chased them anyways. this always happen. always it is i am almost there but i never arrive at the destinination. i dont get life. literally no more than 2 weeks ago everything was picture perfect. i saw this going somewhere, now i cant see anything. i had the most fun in this past month than i have this whole winter. i was able to have something to love. yes love i had fallen in love i couldnt help it. you were all i could ask for. like remember at Dead to fall when you hugged me and said "bdon i love you" and i whispered under my breath "i love you too." well i wasnt lying in the least but. nor am i lying when i say your still my best friend. its just this hurts. i wish it was back to the days when i sat with you thinking ill never have a chance with her then when i did and a flag was on thrown on the play. i had so much in store for you for valentines day. it was my plan to make you the happiest girl in the world. but that plans gone. im so sorry im doing this. this makes me even sader than before that you hurt because of me. just dont ill be fine. i will live. i also feel bad cos before when you would list all the things of a boy you wanted; i am that boy. not was but still am. i will still be here. because you said maybe sometime soon. but if that was just a condolance tell me now and i will move on. by the way im not gonna hang myself up on you and tarnish our friendship. but if i have a good feeling ill let my heart stick atound a little longer. and that is all.<br />P.S<br />your still in my heart. your still my best friend and i will continue to love you because of that. i hope you can visit tomorrow like dearly and maybe on my birthday because i want to see you. and dont worry things wont be awkward i swear. not saying that im not awkward to begin with haha (see you can still make me laugh) but yeah just please dont be sad that this happened because as you can see in the text i DID NOT blame you because it wasnt your fault. it was simply the hand life has dealt us. so go on have a nice day. i know i will knowing that your still here and that this nightmare of wondering how this will work out.<br />Thank you for even being my friend and you know i got a lot of love for you &lt;3<br /><br />"Best Freinds means i WONT pull the trigger; best freinds mean we get what we deserve &lt;33" urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bombsxxxaway:2248 2006-02-07T04:44:18Z 2006-02-07T04:44:18Z wilco a christmas list for the near future.....<br />I want a cigarette<br />I want my friends back<br />I want happiness<br />I want stability<br />I want to make others happy<br />I want to complain for once instead of listening to everyone<br />I want to knock a building down<br />I want to apologize to everyone<br />I want a clean slate<br />I want winter break back<br />I want freedom<br />I want to be respected<br />I dont want money<br />I want to express myself<br />I want to open this bottle of mine<br />I want to meet death and walk away clean<br />I want a thrill<br />I want a goal<br />I want anything but reality<br />I want to feel at home again <br />I want to realease the animals from these cages<br />I want to not be spoiled<br />I want to struggle with something besides myself<br />I want to love<br />I want to stop hating<br />I want my old ties back<br />I want to kiss the cheek of romance<br />I want the beaty of the mountains in my morning<br />I want the raven to tap at my window<br />I want the falseness of my life to disappear<br />I want to live for something<br />I want my friend back<br />I want a sleepful night<br />I want to feel <br />I want something to claim<br />I want anything but this<br />I want to wander till i find what im looking for<br />I want to be on my own<br />I want winter<br />I want a liscence<br />I want trouble<br />I want to lash out<br />I want something new<br />I want all that i can have<br />I want to read<br />I want to find it all<br />I want my book to read how i say<br />I want my life to be perfect again<br />I want to feel love<br />I want to be approved<br />I want to roll again..... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bombsxxxaway:2020 2006-02-03T05:56:26Z 2006-02-03T05:56:26Z Lords of The New Church basiclly im happy now in my life. its a good feeling. i enjoy it. and i get too see april saturday im pumped. ziens bday is in exactly 8 minuetes. its mine on feb 9th. and valentines days comin soon. i dunno what im doin yet but itll be gnar.ive been listening to alot of hanoi rocks lateley. so yeah april hanoi cigarettes and kill crew. best things ever to grace this planet. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bombsxxxaway:1683 2006-02-01T06:18:01Z 2006-02-01T06:18:01Z crap. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bombsxxxaway:1378 2006-01-12T05:27:33Z 2006-01-12T05:27:33Z tripple six mafia muthafucka WAB crew. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bombsxxxaway:1227 2006-01-05T05:38:24Z 2006-01-05T05:39:57Z the sounds-night after night basically im stuck here again with my heart in my hands. this honestly wasnt my fault nor my freinds, it was a naturrall occurance that i wish in a way never happened. basically im just stuck in the middle of my two freinds and i feel like a dick. like a party crasher. and now im the one who has to pay. im so sick of this always happeneing im always stuck as the plutonic freind. but its ok i never said anything about it to her so she had no clue. and neither did i. it was one big shitty surprise. but no matter what id rather see her happy cos jealousys not my game and i love both of you very much. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bombsxxxaway:907 2006-01-03T22:57:35Z 2006-01-03T22:57:35Z THE SOUNDS <font size="7">I Fucking Love my Freinds</font> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bombsxxxaway:546 2006-01-03T07:29:10Z 2006-01-03T07:29:10Z yeah so my heart hurts. but none of that.<br />im gonna uppdate my journal more now. so here it is.<br />today i restarted school and it sucked except i texted april alot.uhm april and bakara visited and we hung out at my house then nicks then holmsey poos. folowed by me texting april for and hour and fifteen minutes and i listened to the sounds.<br />bye. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bombsxxxaway:485 2006-01-03T07:25:45Z 2006-01-03T07:25:45Z Bright Eyes this is for everyone that has asked "whats wrong" over the past week. its just something i wrote because i couldnt sleep.<br /><br />ive realized why im afraid of the dark<br />because im afraid of evrything i miss<br />i forget things so the night shouts its cunning remarks to make me remember<br />but i end up doing the whole process again and again;<br />my future freaks me out, and my past is one of haunting<br />will any one ever fall for me like i do them?<br />will anyone ever really love me?<br />i doubt it, i really do.<br />because for me its always been "a little more" or "just about there"<br />i would love some one to hold; too bad its not in the cards<br />who'd have thunk the king of hearts tries to hard?<br />i get side tracked of lust not love sometimes but the confusion remains<br />ive always been the one to fall in love and get hurt,<br />by myself or by the one who tripped me<br />but they say falling for a reason; because eventually you hit the ground<br />every night this repetivie rhyme toils in my brain<br />and it gets me to pray for the mornings rays to infest my life and make me new<br />but it never works out quite as well as i wanted.<br />im always falling short<br />im always shunned<br />therefore im alone<br />whether im alone physically or mentally<br />i see black and some faces creeping in my periphery and its scary.<br />ill get called back into play <br />and ill answer with a playgerized response of enthusiasum<br />and just end up drifting back out again<br />its not this way all the time but usually when im alone<br />sorry guys thats why theres 9000 of my calls on your phones<br />this is a response to my hearts whispers in the night.<br />these are the reasons i fill my lungs with cyonide so the faster i die<br />i dont wanna kill myself because the curiosity of life does it for me<br />but it is a gift and like some gifts mine proved a little faulty.<br />for the most part im a pretty happy kid,<br />but when i lay down to sleep i get haunts of what i will do, am doing, and already did.<br /><br />from after thanksgiving breakish but i made a new journal....